I Am So Over Nutella and 14 Other Things

I like to think I’m a caring, sometimes decent and patient man, but I’m SO OVER the following things:

pat sajak and vanna white

1. I’m so over Wheel of Fortune. Oh, the humanity, how long can this go on? The very sound of that wheel spinning sends me into a frenzy.

2. I’m so over the National Basketball association (NBA). London‘s Olympics reminded me of the greatness of the 1996 Dream Team, the greatest basketball team ever to take the court. Twelve Hall of Famers on one team. There’s not a player in theLarry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordon NBA today who can match a single one of them, and they’re mostly all a disrespectful bunch of brats.

3. I’m so over Survivor. Guys, you’re running out of tropical islands and has-been sports pros and sitcom stars from the 80s to keep things interesting. You should have gone out on a high note three years ago. http://wp.me/p2bjEC-j4

4. I’m so over soft drinks. I’m sick of the way they taste. No mas.

nutella5. I’m so over Nutella. Oh, Nutella marketing people … promote it as the world’s most delicious health food if you must, but it’s chocolate candy and you know it.

6. I’m so over The Bachelor/ette. I watched it a few times early on, but now leave the room when it comes on. How many people can sleep with one another in a series of shows?

7. I’m so over thinking my yard has to be the best manicured in the neighborhood. Just in time too. A guy moved in two doors down and his every blade of grass glistens with groomed perfection. Thank goodness I no longer have to compete.

8. I’m so over phone aps. This smart phone thing is a fad. It’s gonna pass.

9. I’m so over the mainstream idea that our kids must follow a prescribed curriculum of 12 years of school, four years of college, and maybe four more years of professional school to be a success in life. Certain college degree programs, I believe, should call for two years of mandatory public service or international travel prior to admission.

10. I’m so over Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert and Taylor Swift. Are they three different people or all one person? I really can’t tell.

11. I’m SOOOO over Dr. Phil.

12. I’m so over Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. I’m so over Obama’s clear belief that he’s always the smartest person in the room, and I’m so over Mitt Romney’s failure to project the good guy he really is.

13. I’m so over both sugar and salt. The more I age, the more your tiny little granules make me feel bad. You’re banned from my taste buds now.

14. I’m ALMOST so over being overweight. My best friend’s losing a dozen pounds a month. All my work colleagues are on a weight-loss binge, and I still succumb to the Friday donuts. I’ll be glad when I’m so TOTALLY over being overweight. I’m going to run another marathon just to prove I can.

15. I’m so over my hair. It’s grey, course and totally unmanageable, and that’s a tough thing for a fashion diva guy-who-doesn’t-care like me. I’m considering the slick look.

See today’s additional posts @ http://wp.me/p2bjEC-Az and http://wp.me/s2bjEC-2311

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Bieber to Future King: Get Some Hair Dude.

Justin Beiber says he’s thankful he’s matured so much in his career.

In the meantime, he says the future King of England should look into a good hair product. No need to go bald, Your Royal Highness, The Beibster says.

Famed for his luscious locks, it seems Bieber can’t quite understand why anyone without hair like his wouldn’t take decisive action.

Beibster, 18, whose hair at one time was almost  as famous as he, appeared to be attempting to pass on some advice to the royal in a recent magazine interview.

He told British magazine Rollacoaster: ‘I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays,  like Propecia.’

He went on: ‘I don’t know why he doesn’t just  get those things, those products. You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?’

Way to talk to #YouPeople in the UK Justin!

Justin also spoke to the magazine about the  ways in which he is maturing in conjunction with his famous fans, the Beliebers,  and his music.

He told Rollacoaster: ‘I am growing up, I am  now 18 and my fans are growing up with me.

‘I’m getting older and I want that to reflect in  my album – it is just more mature and reflecting the age that I am.’
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2185062/Justin-Bieber-slams-Prince-Williams-thinning-locks.html#ixzz22tR2JaZZ

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It’s Lonely in Hilton Garden Inn #309

309 and doin’ fine?

It’s hard not blogging.

It’s been just more than eight days since my last post, and since I abhor the blogs that “apologize” for having been away so long, I’ll not do that. My absence was intentional, for a purpose, and I honestly didn’t expect to return so soon.

But I’m alone. On business, in Effingham, IllinoisHilton Garden Inn, my only friend a frisco melt and onion rings from across the street, and I’m bored. So I’ve returned to the blog, my trusted sidekick.

Like my tattoos, this frisco melt, onion rings and malt, sounded like a good idea at the time.

Yes, the break from blogging was by design, for a purpose, and the job at hand is finished, so I’ve returned in my loneliness while in this two-queen, no-smoking suite.

It was a productive eight days. Book-wise I:

  • Completed the first draft of my first non-fiction work with many edits and re-writes scheduled for this weekend.
  • Started production of a 2:30-minute promotional video trailer.
  • Began the website design.
  • Secured domains for the trilogy.
  • Kicked in some extra work to develop a workbook, prayerbook and workshops that will ride the big brother’s coattails.
  • Had a long-awaited conversation with my editor.
  • Hung my head in shame when said editor chastised and ordered me to stop promoting a book that’s months away from publication.

In another area of life:

  • Got new photos of our home construction in Puerto Cayo, Ecuador. It’s exciting.
  • Thought about some entrepreneurial ventures down there.
  • Got a couple of business sponsorships on our blog at www.latitudeone.wordpress.com
  • Accepted a gracious invitation from International Living magazine to submit a story about blogging to support our international adventures.

    The “walls” are going up in Cayo, and we’re excited.

And in other news…

  • Watched Chick-fil-A accidentally pull off the greatest marketing campaign in the history of the world simply by stating its already-known core values.
  • Cringed as Mitt Romney offended nine out of every 10 citizens on the European continent.
  • Followed the story of the Mississippi couple who couldn’t be married in a “white” church because they are black.
  • Read the case a 1950s-era Russian gymnast who makes that she, not Michael Phelps, is the greatest olympian of all time. For the record, I think she’s right.
  • Doubted we’d ever catch China in the medal count.
  • While driving 500 miles to this town, found a cool new Sirius radio station that prompted me to take Iphone notes on new songs to buy as I endangered the lives of many along Illinois I-57.
  • Read a surprise post from my wife today, who said she thought I was neat,

    My Dana.

    and that I had a voice like thunder. Said post substantially escalated my testosterone levels. You can read her work at www.mywindow2theworld.wordpress.com

  • On day-one of business travel, ate a Wendy’s double with cheese for lunch, and a Steak & Shake frisco melt with a vanilla malt for dinner, and fully expect to vomit in a bit.

Ya’ll expect another post soon. It’s pretty boring here.

I guess there’s always the third-floor view of Wal-Mart.

Yes, it’s great to be back on the blog. Even if it is from Room 309.

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We Know It’s Hot. Thank You for Not Telling Us How Hot it Is.

“You have delighted us long enough.” ~ Jane Austen

***

As the outside temperature bumped 103°, Sara Sullivan had listened to just about enough of the cutesy customer commentary.

Sara’s the third generation of her family to manage a local dry cleaner in my hometown. They are an anomaly in the world of small business surviving the ups and downs of a fickle economy over the last 54 years.

Their local enterprise serves about 150 customers each day.

It’s not exactly a white-collar career, and the conditions aren’t always delightful. You see, the process for dry cleaning clothes starts with a heat-generating machine called a boiler. And there’s not an air conditioner in the house. It makes you sweat just thinking about it.

No AC. Fans only in this shop. Truthfully, they just blow the hot air around.

It’s hot enough to peel house paint in Arkansas this week. Today’s forecast is for a high of 104° and I suppose we’ll break out the sweatshirts when it cools down to 99° on Monday.

Take triple-digit heat, no AC and boilers, and the dry-cleaning business becomes a sweatshop. And did I mention the shop’s internal temperature typically runs 25° to 30° higher than the outside temp? Conservatively, that means the temperature in Sara’s business yesterday ran at right about 128°.

And so the customer commentaries at Sara’s shop this week haven’t been exactly original.

Sara Sullivan manages the business started by her great grandfather in 1958.

“Good grief, it’s hot in here,” they’ll say one after another.

“Really?” Sara thought to herself after so many days. “I didn’t know that.”

Enough was enough.

She took the initiative, and prominently displayed the sign you see here in this post. It’s hilariously brilliant.

“So what do you say to the customers who come in and remark about how hot it is in here?” I asked Sara during a quick interview.

“Well I’d like to tell them if they really want to know how hot it is they ought to take a look at the sweat running down the crack of my a**,” she said.

I do believe I touched a nerve with that question.

For related commentary on this post, check out one of my additional blogsites at: http://wp.me/p2wzTk-S

***

(Blogger‘s Note: Capturing this great story would not have been possible without the storytelling of my work colleague, Jim Jackson. He returned to work after a lunch errand yesterday and told the story about the sign. He was laughing so hard I couldn’t resist running out to take a few photos, doing a quick interview and putting this on the blog.)